Member-only story
FIFTY PERCENT TRUE
Well, This Is a Bit Dramatic
An ordinary day reimagined as a Hollywood blockbuster
STAGE I — SETTING THE SCENE
Blockbuster version: A young, attractive me opens her calfskin Cartier diary to reveal the entry for today. It reads: 11 am Audition. The phone rings, and I smile as my agent, Ari Gold, wishes me luck and says he is 99% sure I’ll land the role and give my career the jumpstart it deserves.
Real-life version: I’m looking at the free Chinese Takeaway calendar and reading the entry for today: 11 am. Coffee with Linda. Sainsbury’s cafe.
Blockbuster version: Cut to Chris Hemsworth, carefully placing a briefcase into the boot of his black Aston Martin DB7. The Hollywood version of me calls out from the porch of a beautiful home: “Darling, I thought you were taking the dogs today — I’ve got that audition, remember.”
Real-life version: My husband, Roger, is loading golf clubs into his Toyota. I stand where the porch would be if we had a porch: “Fuck sake, Roger, I thought you were looking after the dogs today.”
Blockbuster version: Chris Hemsworth rushes over, sweeps me into his arms as I laugh, and kisses me passionately before saying: “I’m so sorry. There’s been an emergency at work…
