That is such a great question, Denis, and I can only answer it from my point of view. I was brought up in a very emotionally unstable home - my mother was an alcoholic. (Father too but in a less dramatic way). We tend to get drawn to the familiar. I had been trained if you like to cope with chaos. I also developed a "rescuer" personality not uncommon in children of alcoholics; a bit like a desperate need to try and fix ALL addicts because we failed to fix our parent(s). Ultimately though I look back and realise that my self-esteem was rock bottom even though I had a huge ego! And I did not feel deserving of love (autism in the mix probably enhanced this). So would grasp any crumbs. I think if anyone decent HAD offered love, I may have rejected them because at my core I did not believe I was deserving of love. It is such a cliche but Ru Paul says it best: "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"

It can take a lifetime to unravel childhood trauma. Not everyone makes it. I'm one of the luckier ones.

Thanks for reading, Denis. Sorry. I've gone on a bit!!