On this, my second read, i have to say that your impression was spot on!! I would have made her clean her room before she left. I also would not have shed a tear if she had taken it a step further and self-harmed a bit more . . . harmfully. Harsh but true.

You did all that you did for Jim and your daughter and your heart was in the right place. I hope one day she recognises that what you did was, in the end, of benefit to her too. But I'm not holding my breath and my guess is you won't really care either way. Which is exactly the right attitude. Sandy's kids will have a lot of unpacking to do when they reach adulthood. I hope they manage to break free of their dysfunctional mother, and grow up strong and kind. Like you.

A💚💕