Not at all. I think you are human. And so very courageous to share your struggles here. I am so glad you have taken the most difficult step: to ask for help.. The very fact that you know and recognise that the yelling and shouting can be harmful to the children means you ARE doing the best you can for your children. And the best is all we can do. I had four under five and absolutely lost my shit with mine more times than I care to mention when I was newly divorced and struggling. The only thing that saved it from being worse was that I took in lodgers. It's easier to be a patient mother when you have an audience. Wishing you all the best with that appointment. A🙏💚