My Children Nearly Killed My Best Friend

It is a miracle he is still alive

Image by Diana Parkhouse from Pixabay

It was December, snow was on the ground, and the temperature was below freezing. It was the night of my 40th Birthday Party.

I had booked the whole restaurant: Borscht N Tears: the oldest Russian restaurant in the UK. The address: 46, Beauchamp (pronounced Beecham, like the Powders) Place, Knightsbridge, London.

Photo by the author of the Menu: note the use of the word “Unlimited” towards the bottom: it may have a bearing on what transpired later

There was a great deal of merriment at the party: the sort you get when you mix unlimited wine and beer with vodka, and forego the soft drinks.

Two highlights of the evening were:

1. My brother Peter doing his Egyptian dance to the live Russian music (I cannot possibly convey how hilarious this looked in real life). Here is a picture of Peter doing his thing:

Photo duly paid for from iStockphotos. Do not copy it. The licence is not transferable. PS: it might not be the real Peter.

2. The second highlight was when my friend Cliff suddenly announced that he had lost his false teeth. Cue worried staff at the restaurant going through the bin and valiantly trying to locate said…