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AN EXTRACT FROM MY DEATH FILE. THE ONE LABELLED “TO MY CHILDREN WHEN I’M DEAD”. TOTALLY TRUE. THERE MAY BE MORE EPISODES TO COME.
I Have Been Working on My Obituary
Because my children can’t write for toffee
Fact: newspapers and media outlets keep obituaries of every famous person still alive. Yes, hundreds of files are updated annually and stored, ready to be polished up at a moment’s notice when the inevitable happens. And not just old famous people. Young, famous people, too. Because you never quite know when death will strike.
If it is good enough for the famous, it is good enough for me. So, I have been updating my obituary. I thought you might like to see how I’m getting on.
Dear Eggs,
I have written my obituary for you, so you don’t have to, you know, actually WRITE something yourselves. There are a few blanks you will have to fill in.
A completely unknown author and atheist died in Haywards Heath on [INSERT DAY OF WEEK]. If you live in Haywards Heath and subscribe to the notion anyone-that-isn’t-you dying there is good news, then you have reason to celebrate because the pink and black-haired [NB INSERT CORRECT COLOUR AT TIME OF DEATH] failure, Annie Trevaskis has kicked…
