TOTALLY TRUE

I Am Glad the Queen Is Dead

Alternative Title: What Minus 0.5 Seconds Looks Like in My Brain

Not the real queen. Because I was worried about the licence for pictures of the real Queen and whether or not I might get arrested or sued if I used a picture of her. Or arrested for treason or something. Photo by stockking on Freepik, which i sure hope means that I am safe and won’t be hanged.

Prologue: None. It’s better to launch into this with zero expectations or warning. But you might want to brace yourself. Or have a stiff drink to hand.

Prologue: version 2. I’ve changed my mind. There was a challenge or prompt here, a while ago, about typing without stopping for a set time. Or maybe it was a set number of words. I can’t remember, and I can’t find it now, so I have made up my own rules. This is me typing a stream of consciousness for two minutes. Things in italics were added afterwards.

[Editor’s note. Annie lied. She forgot to set the timer and just typed for what she thought was 2 minutes until she came to a grinding halt. She did NOT lie about it being a stream of consciousness. Which will very quickly become apparent.]

I was just thinking that I’m glad the Queen is dead.

That’s come out wrong, for starters. You’ll learn this about me. Things come out wrong. My brain is wired differently to normal people and everything comes out wrong.

What I mean is .. And I get that you probably won’t understand what I’m on about for at least three paragraphs [Editor’s note: it will probably take you more than…