How To Memorise Sh%t (Part 2)

In which we learn picture association

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

WARNING: This will probably make no sense at all because Roger normally proofreads things for me. However, after his attempt to grapple with Part 1 he has handed in his notice. NB: It will definitely make even less sense if you have not read Part 1. Find it here:

How To Memorise Sh%t (Part 1)

This has been written for Natalie, Tai Le Grice and Brian Lageose (although it is possible Brian may have forgotten who I am by now). I am expecting no more than 3 reads. Maybe just 2.

Part 2 starts here:

I don’t count in numbers like most people — I count in pictures. From tie to disease (or thesis, because it is better if your pictures are concrete items rather than concepts).

The pictures for numbers 1–9 are tricky because the words can only contain one syllable. Thus: tie, Noah, ma, rye, law, shoe, cow, ivy, bee.

It gets easier from 10 to 99 and for the card trick, you only need to go up to 52.

You don’t need to learn these yet, but just so you get the idea:
10–19 = toes, tit, tin, tomb, tyre, towel, dish, tick, dove, tub
Is anyone still with me? Any questions?

To memorise a random pack of playing cards you will need to learn the images from 1–52, but that is for the advanced class, by which time, I suspect, you will all have unsubscribed.

If you have got this far, then let me tempt you further with the knowledge that there are other applications for this method. It is called the Major Method by the way.

I like the mangoes that have got more red and green in them. These look a bit over ripe to me. Photo by HOTCHICKSING on Unsplash

Let’s introduce the concept of picture associations and you can see how to use the technique for shopping lists. Here is one of my shopping lists we can work with (don’t judge me):

1.Mangoes
2. Yoghurt
3. Chocolate
4. Carrots
5. Spinach
6. Raspberries
7. Eggs
8. Potatoes
9. Dishwasher tabs
10. Salt

First, you do need to be familiar with the pictures for the numbers 1–10.
If you have been practising since Part 1 was released, you should understand WHY these are the pictures:

Tie, Noah, Ma, Rye, Law, Shoe, Cow, Ivy, Bee, Toes. Scribble these down on a piece of paper right now so that you can take part in a little memory test further down.

Now, we need to link the numbers 1–10 with the items on the list. Don’t write these down though: that is called cheating. In fact, put your pen down now! This next bit is read-only:

The picture for #1 is TIE. The item is Mangoes.

So the 1st picture I visualise is of my husband Roger wearing an ENORMOUS tie that is covered in pictures of mangoes. Try to make things as silly as you can. I actually pictured him hanging by his neck with a noose made from a tie covered in pictures of mangoes, but I dismissed that idea in case you worried about him. And my dark imagination.

My 2nd (mental) picture is of Noah on his ark having a shower but instead of water coming from the huge rainfall shower head — you guessed it: picture him now, standing aghast, covered in white creamy yoghurt.

My 3rd picture is of my mother having a bath in chocolate and rudely licking it off her arms. (Actually, it was her voluptuous breasts because it is always better to be rude, but again . .. )

My 4th picture is of a bottle of rye whisky with a carrot sticking out of the top in place of a lid.

My 5th picture is of a policeman with a huge piece of spinach sticking out of his mouth.

Spinach leaves, just in case you weren’t sure. Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash

My 6th picture is of a shoe made of raspberries leaving squishy red footprints as I walk.

My 7th picture is of a field full of cows, all laying eggs instead of cow pats.

My 8th picture is of some rambling green ivy with potatoes hanging like fruit from it.

My 9th picture is of me loading our dishwasher but trying to fit 3 bumblebees into the little space where the tabs go.

My 10th picture is of my toes — made of salt, and as I walk my toes start disintegrating into little piles of salt.

A micro pause.

Look away from this list now, go back to the pictures you wrote down earlier for 1–10(i.e. tie to toes) and see how many of the items you can remember. You can pick your pen back up now.

You can make more money than this! Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Let me know how you got on in the comments section. And whether I can phone you up from the supermarket when I have forgotten item 5. I could have, should have, would have made it ruder, but I got worried about the Medium police removing me from the platform. Hint: imagine the piece of spinach is lodged somewhere far removed from the policeman’s teeth. Maybe even the place where Mike Knittel keeps things tucked.

I really do have a foolproof way that you can make money from memorising random packs of playing cards. However, given that I am the only person I know (apart from Paul Daniels) who has bothered practising enough to be able to do this, I have not written a Part 3, and have no intention of releasing a Part 3. Unless, of course, someone asks me to.

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