Awareness is the first step to change. I applaud your awareness. Recognising you are not OK is the best place to start. Telling others you are not OK is the next best step. And a brave one. You've done good here, Tai. Bravo!

A🙏💚

PS: you don't need to forgive yourself; you need to not blame yourself in the first place. We are all doing the best we can in the face of what has gone before.