TOTALLY UNTRUE

Absolutely Nothing in This Story Is True

Apart from the last bit

Image created by author usinsg Dalle-3

I have been beta-testing a new app that translates what dogs are saying to each other.

I set it to record on my walk this morning, and when I got home, I downloaded the transcript.

First, let me introduce the characters:

This is Jazz. She is a border collie. She never sleeps. She belongs to my husband, Roger. Photo by me.

This is Shen. She is mine. She is a lurcher. A Bedlington-Whippet, to be precise. She sleeps most of the time. Photo by me.

Their conversation begins as we arrive at Bedelands Nature Reserve and get out of the car.

Jazz: we’re at the shopping park, Shen. Hurry up.

Shen: (yawn) Can we just go to the rabbit shop and then go home for a nap?

Jazz: (sniffing the air) OMG. FOX SHIT!! They’ve got FOX SHIT in the perfume store. It’s only 2 miles away, south southwest.

Shen: I’m not walking two miles.

Jazz: yeah, but FOX SHIT!!

[Twenty minutes later]

Shen: I don’t know why you keep going on about the fox shit…